Fast-forward two years later and I was the NYU vegetarian cooking club president. I felt it was the least that I could do to repay the monks for all the selfless, delicious free meals that completely captured me. I was introducing a guest speaker at the request of my monk-friend who was his student. I was blown away by the talk. That was Radhanath Swami, now best-selling author of The Journey Home  and The Journey Within. I was electrified by his personal embrace of me and walked out wondering if my life would ever be the same. I hoped it would and feared it wouldn’t.

As I was loading the van with the leftover vegetarian dinner, I was approached by a short, skinny kid (several years older than me) with a marked Indian accent – “Excellent Sanskrit pronunciation! My name’s Rasanath.” He shook my hand. If my life hadn’t changed from meeting Radhanath Swami it definitely did from meeting Rasanath.

Rewinding a little, I’d just read a book by Soren Kierkegaard called The Sickness Unto Death which gave me more insight into the human condition than I imagined possible. It left me breathless and seeking answers about the nature of existence. It kept me wondering if there is indeed a higher power and how to live the most meaningful life in service to others. It exactly converged with Radhanath Swami’s talk and teachings. It was like the gasoline that was spread across my heart before the match was struck that night.

I suddenly began to question my ambitions. I began to study the nature of what is the ego and what is the self. I saw my ego all over my dreams. I saw the self as a distant fantasy calling back to me.

I was still fearful of losing my egoic dreams and becoming myself but I couldn’t turn away from what I was seeing. And my only hope was to debunk it all by the idea that if Radhanath Swami wasn’t so saintly as he appeared, then I could dismiss everything and go back to “normal.” 

Unfortunately for my dreams, I did not find this to be the case. I became more and more inspired by this extraordinary self-realized soul. And when I met my own guru, his dear friend – Sacinandana Swami – the deal was sealed. I had to walk this path and find for myself what they discovered – what is behind the ego.

I had to follow their footsteps and become my real self.

Having graduated and worked in the film industry and in freelance writing, I stayed connected with Rasanath, who became a very dear friend and mentor. We both set our sights on diving full-on into monastic life to realize the self and become selfless servants of all living beings. I joined the Manhattan monastery to serve with him in 2007 part-time, then 2008 full-time as a monk. And he later joined full-time as a monk to serve with me.

When we started teaching the sacred text of the Bhagavad-Gita together in 2008, at his request, that became the makings of Upbuild. We were simply sharing what we were learning and it was exhilarating. We always knew in our hearts we needed to reach people with the wealth of self-realization, and we knew that building community was the key. We developed more and more offerings to support the humble community that began to steadily form around these teachings. 

Along the way, we met Vipin, and through Vipin, Michael. Those connections with Vipin and Michael gave us indescribable hope at the potency of this mission. Seeing such sincere, bright, thoughtful, and capable persons become enlivened to journey deep into the heart of who we are and become committed to selflessly serve alongside us, we knew we are extremely blessed. And the future is shining for those who stand to benefit from the betterment and scaling of this mission.

Through all of life’s struggles that regularly weigh on us, the friendship of this team and community has given us strength and fuel to move forward on our own unique paths to becoming our best. 

In 2013, Rasanath and I transitioned out of monastic life to make this our full-time calling. With the support of our wives, we continue to carry on our spiritual practices as doggedly as we know how, and each of us at Upbuild simply endeavors to share what we’re learning, to this day. 

While the ever-present ego of mine has hopefully lost its teeth, I do still confess to harboring the dreams of impact through writing, and now teaching, (and maybe someday film, if it’s meant to be). But may it never be about me. And may it only be a vehicle for the transformative power that has so profoundly affected me.

I do not feel worthy of the cause or what’s been given – especially the people I get to serve with. And I feel very ineffective at being an instrument to offer that spirit outward to others. Stumbling as I do on my own way to being my real self, I have to laugh at aspiring for something so high when I’m really just a silly kid living in a much more evolved dreamland. But I always look back to see the miracles that have come. And in looking back, I look forward…