UPBUILDING THE SELF
Trading Derivatives and the Shame-Based Fear of Being Ordinary
It’s November 2010 on the Goldman Sachs trading floor in New York City. Just two years removed from the depths of the Global Financial Crisis, but you would never know it. The stock market has nearly doubled in the last 18 months, the Federal Reserve has freshly announced its second round of Quantitative Easing, and it feels like one big party on Wall Street. [from the opening paragraph of the article, Trading Derivatives and the Shame-Based Fear of Being Ordinary].
In this episode, Hari interviews Michael on the reflection Michael wrote sharing his experiences on the trading floor. They discuss the insatiable need for admiration, shame as a fuel, our loss of freedom, how to be humble, the movement toward authenticity, and how to overcome the shame-based fear of being ordinary.
Podcast Hosts: Hari Prasada and Michael
Listen to this episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your preferred podcast platform
Highlights
[01:20] Michael’s article, Trading Derivatives and the Shame-Based Fear of Being Ordinary
[02:30] The scene on the Goldman Sachs trading floor
[07:50] The inspiration behind the article
[13:40] Brene Brown and the definition of narcissism as the shame-based fear of being ordinary
[14:00] The insatiable need for admiration
[15:00] The negative connotation of the word “ordinary”
[20:50] The cost we pay when the ego is in control
[24:00] Shame as fuel
[28:10] Four ways to know if you are being humble
[35:40] The way Michael’s ego shows up in his current life as a coach at Upbuild
[37:00] Kurt Vonnegut — 'We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.'
[39:40] Lessons from Michael’s time at Goldman Sachs and the steps to overcome the shame-based fear of being ordinary
Quotes
“When we're dealing with the ego, the cost is always our freedom.” - Michael
“The ego can justify anything. It can obscure a lot of things for a long time.” - Michael
“Our insecurities are running us. And if we are not aware of our insecurities, they will run us on autopilot for the rest of our life.” - Michael
“People who are extraordinary don't think they're extraordinary and they're not gunning to be extraordinary for the identities of who they think they should be. They're gunning to be extraordinary for the impact that they can have on people and for the service that they can provide for people.” - Michael
“When we shut down so that we don't have to feel the pain of shame, it also blunts our ability to experience other things like joy and freedom and love and the things that we're all really looking for.” - Michael
“When I start to process my shame, that is the ultimate experience of authenticity. That is me stepping into who I actually am because I'm not running away from the insecurities that are driving me.” - Michael
For first timers, welcome to Upbuilding the Self
About the podcast: Two former monks, a former startup founder and CEO, and a former equity derivatives trader dive into how to be our best selves, free from the ego. Our egos are the identities we create for ourselves and wish the world to validate, but when we are not seen as we want to be, we feel insecure. This podcast lives at the intersection of leadership and spirituality. It will help you understand your ego and shed light on your inner world so that you can act with greater clarity, compassion, and the freedom to be your best self.
We also have three upcoming programs. Please reserve your spot ASAP.