UPBUILDING THE SELF

Nonviolent Communication #3: O-F-N-R (Observation, Feeling, Need, Request)

In the third episode of our Nonviolent Communication miniseries, Michael, Hari Prasada, and Rasanath take us through a central teaching of the framework: O-F-N-R. This teaching allows us to separate facts from interpretation, identify our emotions, determine the “why” behind our emotion, and then healthily enroll others in helping us meet our needs.

Podcast Hosts: Michael, Hari Prasada and Rasanath

Highlights

  • [1:40] An intro to the teaching, O-F-N-R

  • [3:00] O for Observation. What a video camera would see. 

  • [5:00] F for Feeling. The emotion.

  • [11:30] N for Need. The why behind the emotion.

  • [14:30] R for Request. What would help me meet my need. 

  • [16:20] Authenticity and vulnerability

  • [18:45] “We’re here to get it right, not to be right” (Brene Brown)

  • [20:00] An example of O-F-N-R

  • [25:40] The importance of being concise and specific

  • [28:00] Using O-F-N-R to reinforce something positive

  • [29:00] Closing thoughts

Quotes

  • “When our needs are met we feel connected with ourselves and with each other.” -Hari Prasada

  • “If you can’t tell me what your emotion is, your other kinds of feelings are very suspicious.” -Hari Prasada

  • “The whole point of NVC is to actually give us something that was not here before.” -Hari Prasada

  • “If I give up on the practice itself there is no way I will ever get it right.” -Rasanath

For first timers, welcome to Upbuilding the Self

About the podcast: Two former monks, a former startup founder and CEO, and a former equity derivatives trader dive into how to be our best selves, free from the ego. Our egos are the identities we create for ourselves and wish the world to validate, but when we are not seen as we want to be, we feel insecure. This podcast lives at the intersection of leadership and spirituality. It will help you understand your ego and shed light on your inner world so that you can act with greater clarity, compassion, and the freedom to be your best self.