UPBUILDING THE SELF

Nonviolent Communication: Needs vs. Strategies

Welcome to the first episode of our Nonviolent Communication miniseries. Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a method of communication developed by psychologist Marshall Rosenberg in the 1960s. Its power lies in facilitating compassionate, empathetic, and effective communication between individuals.

In the first episode of this miniseries, Michael, Hari Prasada, and Rasanath explore how our everyday communication is “violent,” the difference between needs and strategies, the importance of the acronym P.L.A.T.O., and how understanding this framework can stop the “emotional slavery” that is present in our relationships.

Podcast Hosts: Michael, Hari Prasada and Rasanath

Highlights

  • [1:35] Introduction to our Nonviolent Communication miniseries

  • [2:30] What is Nonviolent Communication?

  • [4:00] The founder of the framework, Marshall Rosenberg

  • [7:00] The violence of our everyday communication

  • [8:10] How does this framework apply to me?

  • [10:30] The deep need for connection

  • [13:30] An example of violent communication

  • [16:20] Needs vs. strategies

  • [18:10] Examples of needs

  • [21:10] The dimension of the instincts in the Enneagram

  • [29:50] Requests vs. demands

  • [31:00] Embracing our needs

  • [30:20] P.L.A.T.O.: People, Location, Action, Time, and Objects

  • [46:30] Emotional slavery

  • [49:00] Summary

Quotes

  • “Understanding triggers becomes a very important piece in being able to communicate from a place of compassion and empathy.” -Rasanath

  • “Violence is when somebody is hurt by what we say or how we behave.” -Rasanath

  • “Any time we’re not interested in creating connection, there’s a violence to it because we’re creating a disconnect.” -Hari Prasada

  • “Other people do not exist to meet our needs. They are not objects in our world.” -Hari Prasada

  • “When we come in touch with our needs we feel vulnerable, we feel needy, and there’s a lot of shame around that.” -Rasanath

  • “Any form of violence that we inflict on somebody else has its roots in how we treat ourselves.” -Rasanath

For first timers, welcome to Upbuilding the Self

About the podcast: Two former monks, a former startup founder and CEO, and a former equity derivatives trader dive into how to be our best selves, free from the ego. Our egos are the identities we create for ourselves and wish the world to validate, but when we are not seen as we want to be, we feel insecure. This podcast lives at the intersection of leadership and spirituality. It will help you understand your ego and shed light on your inner world so that you can act with greater clarity, compassion, and the freedom to be your best self.