UPBUILDING THE SELF

Saying the "Right" Thing vs. What We Actually Feel

Whether we are writing birthday cards, telling somebody how we feel about them, or giving a speech at a funeral, most of us find ourselves trying to say the “right” thing,” rather than what we actually feel. In this episode, Michael, Hari Prasada, and Rasanath discuss the importance of genuinely connecting with our emotions, the cost of saying the right things without feeling them, and the tendency to prioritize efficiency over authentic emotional expression. Through personal anecdotes and practical frameworks, they explore how to reconnect with our heart and its emotions, providing actionable steps to lead a more fulfilling and empathic life.

Podcast Hosts: Michael, Hari Prasada and Rasanath

Listen to this episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your preferred podcast platform

Highlights

  • [01:20] Authenticity and true emotions; Michael’s personal experience

  • [05:10] The disconnect between what we say, what we really feel, and the result we want

  • [08:30] Efficiency vs. authenticity

  • [12:10] Feelings of guilt

  • [13:50] The importance of pushing ourselves to have heartfelt communication

  • [17:10] Efficiency vs effectiveness

  • [20:30] A framework for closing the gap between what we really feel and what we say

  • [20:40] The five questions: What do I feel? Why do I feel? What of that is applicable to the person that will best serve? Irrespective of what I feel, what will best serve this person? How can I get myself there?

  • [22:20] Applying the framework

  • [32:00] Reclaiming our humanity and closing thoughts

Quotes

  • “The reason this topic is so important is because we've lost touch with ourselves, and our emotions are just part of the collateral for that. If we're not in touch with our hearts, how can we be in touch with ourselves? And if we want to be our best self, how can we do so without being in touch with ourselves? How can we do it without our hearts? This is the greatest travesty.” - Hari Prasada

  • “Even if there is an audience, and there often is an audience, which is one of the reasons why we find ourselves trying to say the right thing as opposed to what we actually feel, we have to recognize that what will serve that audience best is when we're actually speaking from our hearts.” - Michael

  • “Why not push ourselves to really express what we mean and have the courage to see the disconnect in our hearts and to make the reconnection?.” - Hari Prasada

  • “Living a full-hearted life is hard work, but there's an experience of depth and real happiness that comes with it.” - Rasanath

  • “Sometimes I need to say the right things because I'm trying to see the potential in that person and help encourage them, even if I don't feel it as much, because it's necessary. So there are ways in which we have to also consider saying the right things because they're the right things to say, even when I don't have so much feeling for them. But that's not an excuse to then make that my modus operandi.” - Hari Prasada

For first timers, welcome to Upbuilding the Self

About the podcast: Two former monks, a former startup founder and CEO, and a former equity derivatives trader dive into how to be our best selves, free from the ego. Our egos are the identities we create for ourselves and wish the world to validate, but when we are not seen as we want to be, we feel insecure. This podcast lives at the intersection of leadership and spirituality. It will help you understand your ego and shed light on your inner world so that you can act with greater clarity, compassion, and the freedom to be your best self.

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