UPBUILDING THE SELF

How to Have Difficult Conversations

Do you consider yourself someone who has difficult conversations with ease, or someone who fears them? What does it really mean to have a difficult conversation? What is the role of the heart and our emotions in having difficult conversations? Michael, Hari Prasada and Rasanath take inspiration from a CEO’s experience of needing to fire someone to look at how the ego prevents us from bringing our hearts to conversations, the difference between intentional and unconscious compartmentalization, and the risks (to ourselves and to others) of not bringing our hearts to conversations.

Podcast Hosts: Michael Sloyer, Hari Prasada and Rasanath Das

Highlights

  • [2:45] Why many people mistakenly believe it is easy to have difficult conversations

  • [3:45] What is a difficult conversation?

  • [9:30] The risk of not bringing your heart to a conversation

  • [12:30] Intentional vs. unconscious compartmentalization

  • [15:30] Why and how to access our emotions to have conversations

  • [17:10] The deficit of emotional intelligence in world leadership

  • [18:00] The message we send to others when we don’t show our emotions

  • [19:40] How the ego prevents us from having conversations from the heart

  • [22:10] The influence of the workplace on our emotional culture

  • [25:25] Going into a conversation with your heart as a leader

  • [28:50] The effect of creating a caring culture in an organization and in a family setting

  • [31:55] The importance of difficult “micro” conversations 

  • [33:00] The feeling of shame that may arise when we truly access our hearts when we apologize to someone for something we have done

Quotes

  • “There is no such thing as an unemotional conversation because there are human emotions on the other side, and...there are human emotions in me.” -Hari Prasada

  • “When we remove our heart from conversations...there is a part of it that runs the risk of starting to become permanently detached from our being.” -Rasanath Das

  • “If we can very clearly understand the consequences, we will realize that going into these conversations without our hearts is not an option.” -Rasanath Das

  • “In order to have a difficult conversation with our hearts...we have to be accepting of our hearts and our emotions in the first place.” -Hari Prasada

  • “The avoidance of the smaller difficult conversations is what leads to the overwhelmingly difficult conversations.” -Rasanath Das

  • “Even if there is shame, that can also be such a powerful tool for connection because we are all feeling that shame.” -Michael Sloyer

For first timers, welcome to Upbuilding the Self

About the podcast: Two former monks, a former startup founder and CEO, and a former equity derivatives trader dive into how to be our best selves, free from the ego. Our egos are the identities we create for ourselves and wish the world to validate, but when we are not seen as we want to be, we feel insecure. This podcast lives at the intersection of leadership and spirituality. It will help you understand your ego and shed light on your inner world so that you can act with greater clarity, compassion, and the freedom to be your best self.