Self-Management

Self-management means staying present with someone without being swept away by your own reactions. It involves noticing what is happening inside you, such as emotions, judgments, and impulses, and choosing to keep the focus on the person in front of you.

While coaching, your internal experience is always running in the background. You might feel triggered, defensive, get distracted, want to fix something, or subtly steer the conversation toward what feels more comfortable. One common example is the urge to relate: “I totally get what you mean,” or “I’m going through the exact same thing.” Although this might sound empathetic, it can shift attention away from the client’s unique experience.

Self-management doesn’t mean shutting down your own experience. It means being aware of it and making a conscious choice to stay in service of the client. If necessary, it also means revisiting how you felt during a session at some later point in time so you can process your own reaction.

Coaching application. In your upcoming sessions, notice if you feel the urge to relate, rescue, fix, or ask leading questions. When you notice one of those urges, return to the question: What does the client need right now?

Life application. In your next conversation with a friend, partner, or colleague, notice when you feel pulled to make the moment about you. Practice staying with their experience instead. See what shifts when you stay present and resist jumping in to relate.

Relevant Upbuild content: [Podcast] How Are You: The Deeper Meanings Behind Our Responses (Apple / Spotify)