Naming What’s Not Being Said

Great coaching is not about responding only to what is being said…but also to what is not being said.

Sometimes the most important part of a conversation lingers just beneath the surface. It might be something the client avoids, resists, or does not yet know how to express. You might notice a hesitation in their voice, a long pause, or a story that keeps getting repeated but never examined.

This is often the moment to lean in and name what has not yet been spoken:

• “I notice we keep circling around this topic without going into it. What’s happening there?”

• “You’ve said a lot about what others think. What do you think?”

• “There’s something in our conversation that hasn’t yet been named. Would it be okay if we explore that together?”

• “You’re smiling, but I’m sensing some sadness underneath. Does that resonate?”

When done with care, warmth, and curiosity, naming what is not being said creates the potential for a powerful shift. It invites the client into deeper honesty and into parts of themselves they may not yet trust enough to voice.

Coaching application. In your upcoming sessions, listen for what feels missing. If you sense something unspoken, offer your observation gently and give it space.

Life application. In a meaningful conversation this week, notice what is present but not being named. Ask yourself what feels true that has not yet been said. Consider naming it with care and see what opens up as a result.

Relevant Upbuild content: [Podcast] How to Have Difficult Conversations (Apple / Spotify)